"No MoRe MisTer NiCe JeSS"

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

hello

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

i officially declare this blog in a coma. Goodbye.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Random

5 days til christmas and it is really hot. not just hot...but really hot. wait..i dont think anyone understands just how hot it is...it is really hot. and i complain alot...but its hot.

i think my blog is officially in a coma now. almost dead....but still hanging on. ive lost the inspiration to write about things that used to amuse me before....sure, things still do amuse me...alot of things amuse me...but just not enough to write about them. or maybe im just too tired to write about them right now.

see thats the trouble with me...im always too hot...or too tired...too cold...too awake...too alone...too overwhelmed etc. etc. (im sure you get the picture) to actually get up and do anything with my life...which directs me towards coming on here and writing in my blog which when you think about it..at the end of the day really does not achieve anything. im young and not tied down...i should be out having fun :)

but once again...its too hot.

OP results came in the mail yesterday....well done everybody...we have finally made it through school!! its like, school's been out for us for over 5 weeks now..and we've been everywhere like schoolies and everything...but it didnt really feel final until yesterday when we all got our results...or for those who got theirs on saturday because unlike me, they actually remembered to sign up for it...*slaps self over head* yes.. i are smart.

in other news, i got myself a second job. i am now a waitress at a rather dodgy chinese restaurant. yes...jess the waitress..seems a little hard to believe...but i can always be on my best behaviour when its needed:) but the restaurant is really dodgy...its run by three chinese people who cant really speak a word of english so im not really sure what they're saying half the time...so ive started doing the whole nod and smile thing again...but my older sister works there so at least there is one person i can understand. and we waitress together...we actually get on for once. and there are another pair of sisters that work there as well...but usually its just me and my sister...which means when you've got peole dining in, people coming in for take away, and people ringing up for delivery...it gets rather stressful. but..its 4/5 nights a week..sometimes 2/3...and cash in the hand..so im not complaining. plus im still working at subway...have been there for about 7 months now..seems like forever. and now i really want a third job...

i never wanted a part time job..but now i am addicted....must get third job.

i keep getting distracted by msn and everything and sort of forget the purpose behind this entry..i know there is other stuff i wanna say..but i will leave it here for now i guess.

merry chirstmas everybody!:)

Saturday, November 26, 2005

THE JESS SURVIVED SCHOOLIES 2005!

helllooo everyone:)

i got back from schoolies today....a yearly ritual where all year 12 students head towards the gold coast and do nothing but drink, sleep around, see how many people you can hook up with in one night...eat nothing but crap...party on the beach all night...get about three minutes sleep and then do it all again the next day...for a whole week.

it was good fun. but really, it's not as bad as it seems...how the news makes it out to be the worst thing ever etc. etc. ah the joys of media positioning!

anyway...im tired...as you can tell...coz im starting to talk about media positioning...and i think i need to get some sleep....plus there is this awesome cupcake just waiting to be eaten...so i think i will go eat that now. but thankyou everyone for an awesome week...most importantly, tara, for putting up with sharing an apartment for me for the whole week and having to constantly step over my mess...its much appreciated lol. and also, for following my mums wishes and not allowing me into the kitchen too often lol

most importantly...i came home in one piece...with only a few bruises from the waves...and a sore throat thanks to the cold i caught from dave (good on you dave, of course you have to get sick the one week that is meant to be the best week of our schooling lives:)) lol

but school is out forever now! i am free:) and from here on...the rest of my life starts!
Nobody lives forever :)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

hey everyone...just letting you all know that i am still alive...thats if anyone even reads my blog...not that there has been much to read about lately. and the fact that i havent got alot to write about and there really hasnt been much time to write is also a problem...but oh well.

im actually sitting here studying for my second last exam ever....philosophy and the law....which isnt as boring and bad as i thought it would be. it's actually quite interesting. and then i jsut have to do a geography exam tueesday morning and that's it...forever!

but yes...must get back to work....take care everyone:)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

rambling

only 4 and a half weeks to go...four days of exams...and then graduation!! and that's it! school is over forever! and ever..and ever...and ever

and then schoolies...

and then...i have no idea. i am so over trying to decide what to do with my life next year..how the hell am i supposed to know? and what's with this english assignment...it is so boring and pointless and time consuming...and what's with some of the english teachers deciding to go on holiday, leaving their class of almost 2 years now to do one of the most important english assignments of the year under the direction of a substitute teacher that has no idea at all what he is talking about.

but in other news..i have two feet:)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

A Year Ago Today :)


Me and Dave :) Posted by Picasa

It's amazing how much can happen in a year...they say it takes just seconds for your life to change...so imagine what a whole year can do for you

a year...365 days...52 weeks...hours...minutes...seconds...however you want to define it...in a year, you can lose anything and everything...you can gain so much more than you ever expected you would....you can sit in a corner and let the days pass you by...you may be forced to even say goodbye...maybe you've accomplished something you never thought you would...you can lose friends...you can gain friends....battle poor health...feel like you're alone...feel like you're on top of the world....or like me, maybe the year has passed you by and cant really remember a thing, except tiny flashbacks that eventually all piece together so you have at least a small idea of what did take place over that year.

i have experienced all those things..and a whole lot more....ive lost a few things...gained alot...ive had those days we're ive sat in a corner, feeling like the whole world is gonna crumble over me at any second...then again, ive had those days where everything makes perfect sense and i couldnt be happier...i havent really had to say goodbye...but i guess, as this year comes to an end...i'll be saying goodbye to a lot more than i want to...ive definitely accomplished many things i didnt think i would....ive lost a few friends...gained some ..(actually, havent really 'gained', but ive sort of come to the conclusion that those surrounding me are in it for the long haul)...ive battled a little bit of bad health, just the flu...ive felt like i was alone many times, and of course, ive picked myself up again and felt on top of the world....and right now, im sitting here having those tiny flashbacks that are helping me to piece together everything that has happened over the last year.

time just goes so fast. its true what they say..that you should stop and embrace every tiny moment and memory coz it will never happen again...but then again, even doing that could be considered wasting precious time. my theory? i've learnt to do what makes me happy. ive found comfort in the things that make me happy...been thankful for everything ive got...and embraced a single moment as to remember it for ever.

one particular moment i happened to embrace...and that i'll always hold close to my heart forever is that of september 22, 2004. things have been...different since then. not exactly picture perfect at all times..but other times, ive been so ecstatically happy that its hard to contain.

so alot of you are probably wondering why i am going on about this whole year thing, and probably thinking, shouldnt i be reflecting on my year when it ends? and the new one starts? well to me...on september 22 2004, a year did start...and today, exactly one year later...another chapter is beginning to start. not even i know what will happen from here on...but i dont mind not knowing...thats half the fun :p

it was on this day, september 22, one year ago that i started going out with my boyfriend Dave....and what a year it has been :)

Existence

Lately, i've been scared of existence. just the fact that i am living..and breathing...that i have the ability to love...to make people cry...to cause pain..to hurt people...to learn...to judge...to comfort...to make a difference etc. the fact that i have the ability to do all these things and much more is almost inconcievable to me.

existence itself is weird. just the fact that we live....we die....everything. sometimes i get myself so worked up over things like this....that my thoughts get so deep that there are just no words to describe it. like right now...i know i wanna be saying something...i just cant figure out what. maybe i need to lighten up a little.

its just, 10,000 years ago...there was existence..and i know its true...i just cant get my head around it. its like, in a weird sort of way, i was living by the belief that everything existed in the seventeen years that i have lived...that the only places that exist are the ones that i have seen and been to...the ones that are etched into my memory. and everytime i go somewhere new..its like this new discovery...something i have discovered...something no one else ever has. its the same for world events, like, for example, the landing of man on the moon. i know it happened...but because i wasnt there..it just feels like a black and white movie...like a history book...it doesnt feel real to me. its like my parents, i've always seen them as my parents...coz thats how ive seen them for the 17 years of my life. its hard for me to believe that they were once children...that they lived in the same straight, grew up and got married. it just seems so surreal to me.

until i have been there...until ive touched existance...smelt it...embraced it and breathed it in...thats when i'll start to believe it.

it's like, in another 10,000 years, this very moment is going to mean nothing. this blog will be disowned...i will be no one...every memory made...everything i have experienced..will mean nothing. all of my possessions...everything ive ever held close...will be passed down from generation to generations..and gradually, with the passing of the years, they will start to lose their momentum. everything will be gone....i will be gone...you will be gone.

so why all this worry then? and why all the pain? why do so many people become consumed in materialism and the ways in which hey are disadvantaged...how their life is so hard and bad...when in reality, nothing is ever as bad as it all seems to be. in reality, you could be dead tomorrow, or in the next five minutes...so just live a little. dont exhaust yourself...dont try and swallow the world whole every second of the day..just relax..and do what makes you happy.
this is existence..what you are experiencing now and everything around you is existence...enjoy it while it lasts.

its things like that that i have a hard time understanding. sometimes, the world just seems like a complete contradiction to me. its like, we're living in a world where cloning is not legalised for fear of playing god...when, if you take a look around..we have been playing god for centuries by unnaturally and intentionally killing people and animals. if we have the ability to unnaturally kill someone through man made weapons, then why is it so unnacceptable to create life through man made medical advancements fueled by the intelligence (or maybe even unintelligence) and knowledge that we has humans have established.

its just funny that these days...we have led ourselves directly to an unnatural fear of dying, fueled by questioning our existence. in today's society, it seems that patients die hidden away in hospitals in the cold ompany of machines, not in the company of relatives or friends. it seems we have forgotten to die with our dignity in tact, as it is no longer part of our everyday lives. ancient civilisations accepted dying and embraced it as a natural and beautiful thing...yet in this day and age, it is a fear, something we desperately try to postpone..and with rapid advancements in technology...we are forcing ourselves to go against the natural order of survival and push our bodies and existence to the extreme. it seems in a weird way, that whilst forgetting how to live....we have somewhat forgotten how to die.

a great mythologist, joseph campbell, once stated that many of our modern problems...from drug addictions to violence comes from our collective lack of spiritual visions, meaning that we have simply forgotten that our ordinary, everyday lives are spiritually important...meaning, i guess, that we've become so wrapped up in technology that we are no longer living naturally, but instead, as some form of artificial intelligence. and in my mind, his theory is right in so many ways.

something else that has been bugging me quite a bit is just the mind frame of us humans in the westernised world. i mean, withthis whole hurricane katrina thing...everyone is complaining about not having shelter...food...and what has it been...a few weeks? dont they realise that in a country like ethiopia, with a population of 70 million, there are 2 million orphans, of which 720,000 are living with aids...and have been living in these conditions for years on end. i know its not my place to pass judgement on the way americans are reacting to the whole hurricane thing...coz i havent lived through it..and well, i have shelter..and water..everything i need...so im sorry if i sound insensitive...but its true...

i wanna know why pain and human warfare is so acceptable in quantities...when a child is dying every three seconds its ok..when a few americans or australians die..it makes front page news..and seems to be the biggest disaster of all time.

and why is it so acceptable for people to hurt if they're a different colour or speak a different language? its like ..just because they're a different colour...then they must be used to the pain...thats its different and less painful for them then it is for us. and thats a terrible mind frame to have. its like we know thats they've lived like this for so many years, so we know that they've accepted these conditions and that its their fate. i really just dont understand this world sometimes.

but, in coming to an end...can someone please just tell me why it is that these days, it seems so much harder to live then it is to die?